so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
