just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
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