Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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