she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
