Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
