Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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