I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
