a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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