it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
