I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
