I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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