What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
