We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
