Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
