Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
