Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
