he wants to bone in the snuggie
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
