she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
