I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
