The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You're like the curious george of whores
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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