If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
