does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
