just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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