bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
