I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
