I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
