I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
