She announced her abortion via fbk
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
