my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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