We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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