so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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