I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he shaved USA in his pubs
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
