Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
