I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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