Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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