Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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