he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
