So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
