We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
