went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
