i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think your dad took our porno
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
