Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
