I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
