I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
