; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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