Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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