i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
