At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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