Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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