I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
