i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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