I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
