I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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