I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
