Sry I called you an 8
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
