Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
North Korea, Best Korea!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
