umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
