I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
