forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
