So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
