So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
