we have pet lesbian snakes
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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