just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize