dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
