I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
