Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
