he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
