A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
